"I'm Allergic to Nasty"

Amanda treated me to dinner the other night, and...Oh. My.Gosh. Okay, I'll just give you a run down so you can see how crazy we get when we are out together.

(note: I have photos on my cell phone to go with this, but still haven't figured out how to get the photos on here...I am lost without my laptop and I'm an idiot when it comes to my new phone, but I will try to get them on here soon)

(note #2: Aha! I was able to email the photos to myself and get them downloaded from my email account. Woo me!)



(This was not the photo of us in case you couldn't tell)

As soon as we got in her car to go to dinner, we went to play my Britney CD. It was dark and I couldn't see where to insert the CD and Amanda kept yelling at me, "Right at the top! Just put it in!"

So I did, all hurriedly, yelling "All right!" But then, no music came on. "It says 'No Disc.'"

We pull over to the side of the road and turn on the car light. It turns out I put the disc in the 1/5678925443th of an inch of space between the radio and the dashboard. It's stuck there even as I write this.

We then started talking about a house we have to go to soon to deliver a meal. It is a friend of a friend and they are...how shall we say...backwoods. Really backwoods. So no offense to those who are sort-of backwoods. :)

We were trying to figure out how we would leave after delivering the meal if we got stuck there talking or something.

So I said I'd make up an excuse. That I was allergic or something. And then I said something that Amanda said is the best line ever, and one we keep using every chance we get now:

"You'll have to excuse me, I'm allergic to nasty."

We repeated it all night long. "Hey, I can't be with you, I am allergic to nasty"..."Excuse me. Can you step back? I'm allergic to nasty." (say all of this with the bitchiest valley girl accent you can).

I even dared her to fake a sneeze at the checkout in the grocery store and say it to the cashier. She was actually going to do it, so I had to tell her not to.

I added a little something to the line...."I'm allergic to nasty, but I'm addicted to fine." But Amanda said I went too far with that and it wasn't funny anymore.

Finally we got to the restaurant. Have you ever been in a mood to dance, even when the music is lame?

You have to bear in mind, Amanda and I will turn out the lights in the family room, put on a strobe light, and dance all by ourselves for hours.



Well, we were joking about going all Coyote Ugly in the restaurant and what if we just started dancing on the tables? And this is to stupid songs playing. Really stupid.

But then. Suddenly. The urge became irresistible because..."SUPERFREAK" by Rick James came on. How can you not dance to "Superfreak?"

Somehow we suppressed our inner superfreaks, though, and left without making a scene. Although we did do little shoulder movements and head bobbing, which probably looked more like seizure activity than dancing to anyone watching.

Here's an example of us taking pictures of our lame hand dance moves with my cell phone:



And then we were just taking random pictures and laughing our asses off, which I'm sure all of the customers really enjoyed. Here's one where the camera distorts our noses so that we look like a John Lovitz photo, minus everything about him but his nose, of course:



After entertaining the crowd at the restaurant, we then made our way to Starbucks for dessert. You know how when a place is filled with people and they all turn and look whenever someone walks in?



Well that was the situation and we were very prepared. I had my hand on the door for the grand entrance and we had our game faces on...when we suddenly realized Amanda left her wallet in the car.

Game faces off, hand from the door drops, door slams closed, and we try to recover and pretend we meant to do all of that as we walk back to the car for the wallet.

It was as if the gods of coolness were like, "Uh...no. Don't EVEN pretend like you're cool after that."

Because as we walked to Amanda's car, she smacks her face into the car's antenna. I see her head bounce back out of the corner of my eye and she's doubled over laughing.

She can barely get out..."I...ran...my....face...into...the....antenna."

Then I double over laughing, which is not a good thing. Because when Amanda makes me laugh that hard, I ALWAYS pee my pants.



She gets her wallet, and I check for a pee spot. I mean I have to determine if it's small enough for us to make our second grand entrance into Starbucks. Luckily for me, there's no dark circle in sight, so we happily walk back to the store.

Our entrance was perfect the second-go-round. We know everyone was impressed. *grin*

For most people, the sugar rush from a Starbucks drink would make them hyper, but for us it's the opposite. I mean you can't get much more hyper than we already were.

The sugar was our kryptonite and we finally crashed when we got home, which equates into "normal mode" for most people.

But my Britney CD is still stuck in her dashboard. Any ideas on how to get it out? :)

I Like it Hot!

Sometimes I say the dumbest things. Okay, not just sometimes.

Anyway, I was at Panera bread with my kids and I asked the two teenage boys at the register if the ham and swiss sandwich comes hot or cold.

"We can put it in the toaster," one of them said.

"Okay, good. Because I like it hot."

As soon as I said it, I was like, "Oh crap. I did not just say that."

I looked at the menu and ignored them to try to pretend like I did not just make a huge innuendo-sounding statement. And I could hear them snickering right in front of me.

I kept ignoring it for a minute or so and finally turned around and looked one of the pimply-faced teens in the eye with a "You are a total perv" look, and he stopped laughing immediately.

After we sat down to eat, one of the boys decided to take a walk around the restaurant for no apparent reason. He walked right towards us, looking at me and stopped at our table.

He asked if everything was good (he didn't ask the five million other people in the restaurant), and I told him it was.

You don't know how bad I wanted to say, "Oh my gosh, it's SO hot. Just the way I like it." Just to freak him out.

Only it probably wouldn't have freaked him out. It probably would've done the opposite which is just plain gross. So I guess it's good I played dumb and acted like it was perfectly normal for him to come ask us how our food was.

Silly boys. STUPID me!
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I have two giveaways going on at my other site. Click here to enter. Enjoy!

Be Kind to Your Privates

I keep saying I don't have time to post or comment, and then stuff keeps happening that makes me jump on really quick to do just that. :) This was too funny (to me at least) to not come on here and post really quick.

Conversation in my house about a half-hour ago:

Amanda: "Do you know that they have toilet paper with the Constitution on it?"

(note: I just realized the pun in that! Maybe that would explain why they made it.)

Me: "No way! Why would anyone do that?!"

Amanda: "I guess for anarchists and stuff. I want to get Bill Clinton toilet paper."

Me: "I wouldn't want his face anywhere near my privates."

Amanda: "That's true. What about Hillary?"

Me: "No, I still wouldn't like that idea. There's just something about having anything I don't like being in that area. Like it would be disrespectful to my privates."

Amanda: "You so have to blog that."

Me: "I know."
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By the way, Amanda has her own blog now! Yay! Go show her some love by clicking here. And she's looking for advice on how to pull up her content so it's at the top and not at the bottom below her sidebar. Thanks! Congrats, Amanda!

My "Snow"phie

This week, Sophie saw her first snow. This is the result of her first venture into it:



Just one paw out and then she jumped back in the house. (The other marks are from icicles dripping). Then...



Just a few minutes later she went crazy. Can you spot her in the snow? Look for the cute black nose.

It's so much fun watching her "first" everythings. She is my sweetiepup!

This is her favorite sleeping position:



On her back, front paws folded over, back legs spread eagle, lol.

And here's a close-up of my cutie pie:



She LOVES laying under the Christmas tree and it is the most adorable thing ever. I really need to get a picture of that.

Every night, she walks up to me in bed, runs right to my shoulder, lays flat on her belly, puts her chin on my shoulder, sighs, then falls asleep.

Okay, I'm done bragging. Now I'm going to go cuddle with my furbaby.

Christmas Giveaway

Ugh....I can't believe how busy I get this time of year! Okay, once again, I'm behind on responding to comments. And blog visiting? I forget what that even is. I have NOT forgotten you guys and I still stand by my promise to get around to see you all as soon as I can. I really, really, really miss you all!

If you're still here reading me, first of all THANK YOU! Secondly, I have a giveaway going on that's close to my heart over at my other blog.

It's for my friend Bruce Littlefield so I'd appreciate any and all shout-outs you can give it. Not only is his latest book a blast, but Bruce himself is just the sweetest guy you'll ever meet so I really want to get the word out on this for him.

And, get this. He's offering something from his very own tree along with an autographed copy of the book! (Bruce, if you have any extra pickles, I'll take them! LOL)

All the details can be found here. Thanks and good luck in the contest! Oh and here's a video of Bruce's latest appearance on The Today Show:

I'm the Mother of an Adult Daughter!!!

This can't be real. My oldest can NOT be turning 18 today. An adult daughter? Me? No freakin' way!

Happy birthday, Amanda! I love you, big or small.

And yes, you still have a curfew. :)

(There's a YouTube video below that might take a minute to show up. As soon as I heard this song for the first time years ago, I knew I would play it on her 18th birthday. Have lots of tissues ready. I can't even swallow after watching it!)

I Got to Test Drive the New Dodge Grand Caravan!

Thanks to a connection in the DC Metro Moms Blog, I was given an opportunity to test drive the all-new Dodge Grand Caravan (the one on all the commercials and television shows like The View). Only 50 moms in the DC area were given this opportunity so I was very lucky (wooo hoo!)



From the start, I felt like I was cheating on my mini-van. I had a fling with a definite upgrade, and only came back to my van because I couldn't keep the Dodge Grand Caravan. My Chevy Venture was pretty ticked because it decided to no longer provide me heat when I drove it again (hubby's working on making it feel better and I think it might be coming around).

All those commercials that say the Caravan is a home on wheels? So true! You can eat, play board and/or card games, video games, watch television, eat on a table, watch movies, tailgate, use GPS navigation, make phone calls from a built-in dashboard phone service, and more.

The middle sweats swivel to face the back row and you can put a table up in between for games and eating. This picture is bad because there was no flash, but this is after a trip to McDonald's and my kids are eating using the table:



There are TWO...count 'em.....two pull down screens with two separate, wireless headphones. I can listen to Sirius satellite radio in the front, Matthew can play Playstation or watch a DVD in the middle, while Natalie watches Sirius Satellite television in the back (it comes with three channels....Disney, Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon).





Even the puppy enjoyed the ride. :) We took her along on a trip to my Grandma's too (an hour and a half away) and it was like packing for a newborn! But everything fit perfectly in the spacious trunk:



There was plenty of room for the dog's crate, supplies, groceries (for lunch) with room to spare.

And those back seats? With a push of a button they automatically fold down into the floor to make even more room, or you can have one side up and one down, and....my favorite setting...they fold back and down to provide tailgate seats! Again, all with just a push of a button.

There's also storage in the floorboards if I had needed more room, a feature I used when I had a few grocery bags to toss into the van (closer to me in the front and easier to get to than the trunk).

The side doors automatically open and close and the windows on the doors automatically roll down, as well. I can't tell you how many times my kids wanted the windows down in the back in my old van. I really loved this feature! There were also pull-up screens for when the sun was shining too brightly, something you usually have to purchase separately and install with an ugly suction cup on the window.

The only problem I had with the van was with the passenger-side back door. My driveway slopes uphill a bit and there was one day that I could not get the door to shut automatically. I sat outside in the cold for about twenty minutes trying to get it to close.

I finally got it to shut by hitting the button and waiting until it was almost closed, then hitting it with my butt so that it was forced close. That wasn't fun! I thought it was because of the hill but when it happened again, I pulled into the road (which was a level surface) and tried to close it there with no luck (and had to go back to the button/butt trick again).

I have heard that mine was not the only one with this problem so hopefully Dodge does something to fix it.

Despite the one flaw, I would still buy this beauty if I could. I'll take a little door trouble for all the entertainment it provided to my kids and for all the features I personally loved.

Look how perfect the van looked in my driveway:





It was totally my trophy van! We were meant to be! How could it leave me?

Devra and I were *this* close to running away in the van together but she didn't want to miss reruns of Punky Brewster. ;)

Natalie summed up my feelings pretty well with this expression the morning that it left us: